Frank Lloyd Wright's - Fallingwater

No day of rest here in South Carolina today.  I have just over 15 days to finish going through my things in storage to get ready for the big move.  So I've slept in and looked at YouTube videos until I've wasted half the day, but still lots of daylight to burn.  Really, folks, wish me luck on this as I'm not making progress fast enough.  Three households of "stuff" to go through and whittle down to a manageable size for the apartment I'm moving into.  Monumental task at hand!

Inside The Actor's Studio interview with Johnny Depp

Inside The Actors Studio interview with Johnny Depp

This is Mariah who was born in March of this year and became part of the family the last of May.  The video is from the last of June.  I have my little dog, Tai, but my youngest daughter decided what would "fix" my world would be a cat.  So I became the proud owner of a willful little minx that I named Mariah.  Mariah is now about ten pounds and is heavier and bigger than my dog! And this at only six months old.  I can't imagine just how big she's going to get.

I'm about to move again.  In the last decade I've moved from lower South Carolina to Omaha, Nebraska back to lower SC, to Dallas, Texas, to Omaha again, then to Lexington, SC, to Irmo, SC, back to Lexington, back to Irmo, and now I'm temporarily back in Lexington before I move to the lower part of Georgia.  Hopefully this next move will be it for a while.  Maybe even for a decade!

It's a small town much like the one I was brought up in, with lots of big trees and lush greenery.   Lots of nearby woods and wildlife.  Extra bugs are the downside.  But it should be a slower lifestyle and just what the doctor ordered for me.  Like that isn't enough, my youngest daughter is orchestrating the move so that I can be close to her and my two grandchildren.

So you would think I would have pared my belongings down to what would fit in a shoebox and a suitcase.  BUT, not the case.  When I left my home, I stored my things at my mother's and then moved them along with her things into storage in 2007.  Since then I've managed to accumulate more things so that I spend a fortune on keeping "things".  The problem is that mixed in with the things are family pictures, birth and death certificates, special letters, special keepsakes that keep me from saying the heck with all of it.  I'm determined that this move will be the one where I pare down the size of the "stuff" I carry along.  What I carry will be only what I need and the few things - even furniture - that I want to keep from here on out.  Wish me luck.  I only have a little more than two weeks.

  My sister would have been 65 today.  I miss her a great deal and want to share a poem I wrote from last year.

Visiting Jessica

A Poem by C. Harter Amos

My sister is beneath a heavy weight of quiet sighs

as she sleeps under a pile of comforters, on a burgundy couch,

dreaming, I hope, of good things.

The radio plays so quietly near her,

the melodies are only a whisper of sound

from where I sit on the opposite side of the room.

The love seat radiates heat back toward me.

I’m sunken into its over-stuffed pillows,

It’s worn out because it offers coziness to anyone who stops to sink in.

Beneath my feet is the softness of an old Persian rug

filled with swirls of India’s colors copied not so long ago.

The deep greens and shades of tan, dance with

a bleached stain that blends well with the pattern.

Sleek and shiny black fur protrudes from under the top comforter.

My dog, Tai, loves my sister almost as much as I do.

He listens to each sigh she makes

with all that his 10 pounds of might can muster.

The deep brown of his bright eyes open,

concerned each time she skips a beat.

All the while, the clock behind me thuds out a rhythm to march to.

Time stops often here in my sister’s “living-den” as we call it.

The pottery in the window is Native American from various tribes.

The curtain's sheer lace belonging in a Victorian parlor

delicate as it waves in Springtime breeze

The various colors of Indian designs across the window sill

peek from behind the white curtains,

somehow blending with the Persian rug,

There are two swirling bentwood rockers that stare at each other,

The little black dog that thinks he’s Lassie,

The couch of sighs where my sister likes to sleep

And me.

© 2011 C. Harter Amos

   I feel the days clicking down to the election and part of the dread is what's happening in the Middle East.  That being said and not elaborated on, I find myself in a situation that feels desperate.  I like Obama.  He's a likeable fellow and his failed presidency has nothing to do with his personality, his half-African American status, or anything else except that his policies, foreign and domestic are dismal failures.  The popular statement I hear is he's simply "in over his head".  I don't think the Democratic Party solely belongs to those who have nothing and feel intitled to everything free from the government. 
     On the other hand, I find some things about Mitt Romney objectionable.  I think he's a politician, dyed in the wool.  I feel my country is being pulled apart by what has happened in the last years and first and foremost I'm an American.  I'll try anything to bring us back from what feels like the verge of a desperate plunge into a failed democracy.  I can't say I'm voting for Romney.  I don't like his opinions on some subjects and don't believe he has a balanced and fair view of America.  But I AM voting against Obama.  Certain facts stare us in the face. I say let the pendulum swing.  It's the best we can do with the two choices we're given.  Then pray Romney is able to at least turn some of the problems around.  And I do mean pray!   

One of my favorites artists: Maxfield Parrish

The Last Dragon

A Poem by C. Harter Amos

For all the animals thoughtlessly slaughtered into extinction

The great Chimère raised his regal head

And mourned the last of his children who lay dead

At his clawed feet, their beauty and perfection a thing to grieve

If only for a moment before it was time

To raise his massive wings to leave

This place he’d shared with his lifelong mate

Whose body was gone, her slaughter their kind’s fate.

Wherever the Beautiful One lay with her broken crimson scales

Chimère’s own heart couldn’t help but stay

For all of time without end.

The Drako would give his heart to only one

Until the far distant death of the galaxy’s sun.

The blue of his scales matched the sky

Giving no reason to look up, no reason to ask why

The massive eloquent beast should fly overhead unheard,

Not a beat of wing, not a whispered word,

Only the drop of tears that fell from blue skies,

From his beautiful lavender-blue catlike eyes.

He’d had friends who were human

In towns nearer Loch Lomond

But he was a prince of his kind

The nine black ridges along his spine left no doubt

To any who knew this obvious sign of royalty.

He could never live in fear

And the bottomless Loch Ness was near,

Its darkness suited him well.

The lake’s surface was as smooth as glass

It shimmered for a moment as Chimère Drako’s mass

Broke the surface and he swam below

In elegant movements, swanlike and slow

Like a dance to the depths, his gills suddenly filled.

He would stay there forever; no more dragon blood would be spilled.

His royal blue scales have long ago turned black

The ridges now soft along his once strong back

Mankind now thinks of Chimère Drako on rare occasions

When tourists take shadowed pictures during their vacations

At Loch Ness to catch a glimpse of the lizard illusion

We call a monster of mad delusion.

© 2008 C. Harter Amos

     I actually did watch the Democratic Convention, but found more to be upset by than to swerve me any closer to the Obama team.  The fact they ignored certain issues, like the $16 trillion dollar deficit went against the grain. They managed to gloss over issues like the housing problems and unemployment.   I WANT to like the man.  I WANT to be excited that he is turning the country around, but all I see is change for the worse.  I know he hung around some unsavory characters in Chicago and know he has no experience in the private sector.  He barely has experience politically except as President, which I find highly ironic.  Certain issues I have to agree with the Democratic stance; such as legalized abortion.  I could never have one myself but do believe it should be each woman's choice though at the same time I believe life begins with the first heatbeat.  Gay marriage is just two people who love each other and I see no harm in allowing them to marry legally.  They get married in their own eyes anyway.  I don't think the fabric of the American morality will come unglued by love and marriage of any kind.  There are other far more intense issues to consider.
     You can see that Romney's religious beliefs don't fit mine in many ways though I think taking God out of our government isn't the right thing to do.  We are not a godless nation.  I do think there was a reason for separation of state and church. It is what it is. 
     So it's easy to see, as a liberal-conservative, I'm conflicted and will have a hard time deciding between candidates.  I wish there were a third choice along Moderate lines, but these guys come with their own agendas and the choice has to be made for one or the other.  I picture me going into the voting booth and trying to give half my vote to each one.  Hopefully I'll have time in the 56 or so days left to prod the party lines enough to find things that tip me one way or the other.  One thing stands out as an undisputable fact: Obama is one hell of an orator.  Like Hitler, he has the talent to whip up a crowd and win votes on charisma alone.  Romney can lose votes with his lack of charisma.  Need I say that charisma and speech delivery skills shouldn't figure into the equation, but this is America and this is politics so they just do. 

Ten Thoughts Sunday

I'm a little late getting to this, but ten thoughts Wednesday will have to do this week.

One: A friend's teenager is a cutter.  I know the mother very well and the teenager fairly well and it's one of the most upsetting things I've run across.  Not so long back I learned that one of my daughters was a cutter when she was in high school and right under my nose I hadn't even known it.  There were no "signs" as such but the idea of my precious beautiful child hurting herself for relief from inner and outter turmoil is horrindous.  From the mother's viewpoint it's a heavy weight to bear.  I can't imagine what dispair the child who is driven to this must feel.  If you're reading this please pray and/or send positive thoughts for my friend's child and for my own.

Two: My four month old kitten has reached a size I consider large for an adult cat.  I keep wondering what type of monster she'll turn out to be if she grows for another two to six months.  The idea was not just for me to have a cat but for the cat to be a companion for my mini-pin/chihuahua who is sometimes destructive out of boredom.  Now the cat outweighs him and loves to pounce tiger-like onto Tai for the fun of it.  He doesn't seem to mind but if she grows much more this pouncing game could be dangerous for the little dog.

Three: So today, my thoughts aren't lofty at all but selfish and rather down to earth.  That's the nature of life though, a cycle of thoughts where you end up on yourself from time to time.  Today I'm on "me".  I was feeling rough and finally went to the doctor where I found out it wasn't depression but a UTI, anemea and diverticulitis all combined.  A round of antibiotics later I'm feeling better but still not feeling up to par.  As my daughter says, "It is what it is".

Four:  My sister died May 12th.  We had just moved in together in December so we had really just settled down and gotten used to being together every day.  We always got along well: at least from my viewpoint and halving the bills allowed us both to live a nicer life than we could alone.  It was good in theory.  We planned to stay put for about ten years before hopefully we would have enough saved to buy a small place, probably a condo, for our "older" years.  So I'm feeling a little unsettled and a lot insecure, having had to move into a friend's spare bedroom, do my mourning privately and try to gather my forces to start out on my own once again.

Five: I come from wealthy families and am struggling with the fact that two bad marriages wiped me out financially, emotionally, and physically.  The nice middle class me is gone.  Working and achieving middle class standing with my home and new car, my middle class job as an accountant with a small air conditioning and heating distributor.  The pay was below average but with a pre-existing condition, I was afraid to leave for fear of losing my insurance.  Sometimes I fantasize about the owner sending me a check for all the years of underpaying me.  Wouldn't that be nice?  It would also never happen for the same reason he chose to underpay me in the first place; he could get by with it since I obviously was willing to work for less.  I loved his children and his wife and respected him on most levels.  It finally dawned on me that I wasn't "loved" back.  I was a easily replaceable office machine that could break down or become outdated.  I was brought up being taught the "old" values and work ethic.  I treated his business like I would my own family's, my work like I would if I were working for my own family's business.  It was a bitter pill when I realized a new accounting clerk who didn't even have a high school degree was brought in at a much higher pay level than I was being paid after 15 years of hard work and loyalty.  I'd climbed their ladder in every way but financially.  It made all the financial struggles a bitter pill as well.  Then my health took a dive and I've ended up on disability. I hadn't planned for this so young.

Six:  Anyone who believes a person would go on disability to "get out of working" is definitely not in the know of how this works.  On disability I don't have enough income to live on, much less live like a comfortably retired worker.  I make in a month about half what I did working and that was a struggle.  So complaining about it hasn't worked to my advantage.  I went back to school through a local school that offers everything I need in online classes.  I've decided I want to teach online English at a high school or preferably a college level.  The hesitation there is that I'm not sure I could pass the Graduate Record Exam to get into a Masters program which you have to do to be able to teach on a college level.  I can only try.

Seven:  Trying is a struggle.  There are always stumbling blocks, but the trick is to keep getting up and going forward.  This semester I can't go because I was sent a notice that I owed the college for a class I was given a "no show" status in which is a failing grade.  When my sister died I withdrew from the four classes I planned to take knowing I wouldn't be able to concentrate well enough to make good grades.  I didn't want to overload.  Somehow the computer dropped only three of the classes.  Trying to convince these people I dropped all four and only knew about the fourth class not being dropped when I got the notice that I owed for it is like trying to walk through a brick wall.  Stay tuned for the outcome.

Eight:  My sister, Jessica, had been on a self-improvement plan for about a year and was doing very well.  She had surgery for a nagging back problem, had breast reduction surgery and was getting her teeth fixed.  She was in fine health.  The morning was just like any other.  She passed by the bathroom where I was doing some cleaning and went to the kitchen for breakfast.  She evidently decided to have a piece of cake that we'd gotten the day before.  There were odd coughing sounds coming from the kitchen and I really thought it was the dog choking or barking in an odd way.  I went to see and my sister was choking.  I tried to do the Heimlich maneuver several times and she was getting less and less air.  No panic, as if she thought this was something we could handle.  I called 911 and urged them to hurry, but my sister's life slipped away with me holding her, telling her to hold on and breathe, 911 was on the way.  It was horrible and traumatic.  Before the emergency response team arrived, I had watched the life slip from my sister's eyes.  They made it worse trying to revive her for thirty minutes to an hour - I couldn't say for sure how long they took getting there or working on Jessica as my sense of time was off.  Again at the hospital they worked for a long while trying to revive her even though I told them she wouldn't want to live if her brain was that damaged.  So saying goodbye to my sister hasn't been easy and I see her birthday coming at me on Sept. 20th.  She would have been 65, and looking forward to life for the first time since her failed marriage in the 1980's.  I miss who my sister was to me since childhood.  Sixty years is a long time to know someone.

Nine:  I'm just about down to the proper weight.  I was on prednisone for a long while and the weight piled on me easily.  Getting it off again has been harder than I would have expected but it's finally coming off at a good speed.  Just thirty pounds to go to reach my goal weight.  Try to avoid taking prednisone if you can and find yourself faced with the need to take it.  The side effects for me were as bad if not worse than the problems it was supposed to correct, which it didn't do.  My doctor gets frustrated with me because I don't believe in pills, but think the body tries its best to heal itself if given the right food and enough stress free time to cope with a problem.  I do take medicines but not because I want to, believe me.

Ten: We are certainly a pill popping country.  I wonder about the why of it and worry that the pharmaceutical companies are pushing unnecessary medications that only mask problems or cause worse problems with their side-effects.  Like I said, I take medicine, but wonder if I'm doing right by myself to do so.  I remember in a time before CAT scans and open-heart surgery, when there were few medicines and few people taking any.  This was before Tylenol.  A well stocked medicine cabinet had iodine for cuts, epson salts for aches and pains, baking soda for indigestion and for cleaning your teeth when you wanted them whiter, and aspirine for headaches or fever.  There were home remedies for most everything.  Mustard plasters for chest congestion and Mentholadum for stuffy noses.  And salt.  There was gargling with salt water for sore throats, putting your head under a towel over a pot of steaming salt water to clear out your sinuses and salt water eye wash all that you made from the canister of salt in the kitchen.  I could walk for hours on memory lane but will spare you and me. 

Sorry that the ten thoughts for today were all about me.

Mad World. (Sometimes it is a)