My youngest daughter was married on the 28th!  She and her fiance had been together for years and I'd given up on thinking it would ever end in marriage.  Leigh was more than careful since her first marriage ended in a painful divorce.  Her two children like Mark and I think it should be the beginning of a happy time in her life. 

Hope everyone is having a great holiday and Happy New Year to everyone!

I'm not good at writing about my own life.  Blogging is a journey using that skill and maybe I'll get better at it as I go along.  Please be patient.

 Life is all about preparing for Christmas last week and this week.  Giving the best of myself to my grandchildren is what I wanted to do most.  I can't give them "things" so much as I can give them myself and my time.  It would be nice to be wealthy enough to buy everything they want, but I'm just not. Even sending cards is out of the question this year except to send eCards.

I received a letter from my oldest daughter for Christmas.  That was the most I had asked for; to hear that she and her children are fine and to catch up on the news of how each child is doing.  I'm blessed to have my youngest daughter and her children close at hand and to spend so much time with them.  They're the light of my life.  Not getting to know four of my grands is a sad, regretable thing, but life is what it is.  Today I'm just grateful to have had contact with them and their mother.  It's as near to the perfect Christmas as I'll see in my life:  my youngest and her two children have given me a reason to be alive and I know my oldest is safe and her children growing up well..

Today is my grandson, Michael's 10th birthday. Beautiful, sweet Michael! Tomorrow my granddaughter, Robin turns 10 as well. Sweet, sweet child.  I missed my grandson, Brian's birthday in November (I have an extra soft spot in my heart for Brian) and will miss my grandson, David's birthday in January (the oldest is always special).  Then comes my youngest grandson's birthday, Eric in February (love him to death).  The youngest grandchild is Angelina.  (She's adopted and I wasn't sure I would love her as much as I should, but once I was around her she had as big a spot in my heart as the others).  Her birthday is in April.  So many reasons to celebrate during the holidays whether I get to see my grands or not. 

Today I'm grateful to be worn out from having Robin and Eric for three days and nights.  I'll be sore for a few days and live off Tylenol but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  They enjoy having an adult who can focus on them exclusively, cater to them shamelessly, and I get to spoil them rotten.  Not so sure their mother appreciates it exactly but the kids have the security of having an extended family they know loves them. 

This year is the first that Robin and Eric won't believe in Santa and I suppose Angelina Marie is the only one young enough to believe.  It takes a bit of magic out of the holiday, but kids have to grow up.

 I haven't seen David, Brian, Michael and Angelina in 5 years this Christmas.  They're in my prayers every day. David will graduate from high school next year.  Hard to believe.  Years have a way of slipping away! And I'm far too busy to feel sorry for myself.  Just miss them all.

Like most people, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut.  One of the experts on MSNBC said this isn't mental illness this is revenge and pure evil.  I can't make sense of something so horrible as the killing of innocents.  Thinking that this boy, Adam Lazar, has an eternity of suffering ahead doesn't seem enough somehow.  The best of humanity is the pure in heart, the babies who have yet to think an evil thought.  To touch them with harm in any form is some sort of ultimate evil.  I couldn't "blog" about anything else in the wake of such a deed.  Everything serious pales in comparison and everything light hearted is far out of reach.  There is no "Merry Christmas" today.  There are simply tears and prayers for twenty children who represent the best in human kind. 

Today was put up the Christmas tree day.  I'm gradually getting into the Christmas spirit.  Playing my favorite Christmas songs to help the process along.  Maybe because I'm in a smaller town, this Christmas seems less commercialized than usual.  Did anyone see the 121212 concert for Sandy survivors last night?  I was holding my eyelids open by the end of it, but enjoyed the music.  Thought it was funny when Jagger make his crack about it being a major gathering for the oldest rockers. These guys may be getting some age on them but they can still make great music.  A few bad notes in the singing but these guys are in their 70's?  I could hope to be doing as well when I get their age.

Living in Southern Georgia is seeming less and less weird.  Maybe I should be polite and say it feels more and more like home.  Illusive word there... I've moved around so much in the last decade I barely think of a place as "home" before I'm moving again.  This time I should be in one place for a long while.  Hoping to stay put anyway.  I'm in school again starting in January and maybe teaching by next year or after next Christmas. That should make life interesting since it'll mean the beginning of graduate work and my first teaching experience other than in an office environment. 

I'm putting up a video of David Phelps.  Christmas Spirit though not exactly Christmas songs. So, Merry Christmas!

Remembering John Lennon

Animusic - Pipe Dream 2

Albrecht Durer

     Durer is one of my favorite artists.  This is the first of six parts on Durer that touches on his contemporaries.  It's worth watching if you have the time!

Christmas Lights

Went riding through Americus looking at Christmas lights tonight and was blown away by the many old Victorians decorated to the nines.  And naturally decorated with excellent taste. The grandchildren were excited to see it all.  Am posting a Christmas carol house from 2011 from YouTube just for fun.  Saw my first light show house in Omaha when I lived there in 2001 and thought the concept was awesome.  This one is especially well done, I thought.

Between Here and There A Poem by C. Harter Amos I cling to a distant echo; a whisper in thin air and consider your love my destiny. It's more than pain; it's a crushing grief, the weight of a strange love bigger than myself never denied or forgotten. I battle illusive forces for an inner balance I've lost. The shreds of you I hold onto are no longer realistic, but are forever interwoven with the threads of who I am. All I can do is sleep; Embrace the poverty of my soul and sleep, "perchance to dream" of only one man and he is still you. You battled fire, water, wind, and earth and stood steadfast; a rampant conquering lion. but now a shadow falls across anxious features; your desperation barely hidden. Is it time's wheel you fear, my sweet and noble knight? Doubt is not flatteringly worn on your mighty shoulders or in the depth of your eyes even though you smile. Your past and I aren't there to wipe the fear away, or steer you clear of cobwebs and stumbling stones. Misplaced choices, even misread, are permanently etched between here and there. This is my own doubt that I wear beneath my smile; the shadow in the depth of my eyes. © 2011 C. Harter Amos

Celtic Thunder - Hallelujah

     Saw the new James Bond movie, Skyfall, this afternoon and can't sing its praises enough.  Thought it was the best of the Bond movies so far. Excellent realistic characters, wonderful screenplay and the best of special effects.  If you like Bond movies - or really good action films in general - make sure to see Skyfall.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the people who have been in Sandy's path.  The videos on the Weather Channel are upsetting.  Hope all is well with family and friends in the North East.

Hope everyone is getting ready for a fun Halloween.  Nothing says Halloween quite like Michael Jackson's "Thriller".  I know he's fallen from grace with a lot of people but after a day of hunting outfits for the grands in Albany, I can't think of a better post.  Happy Halloween!

Franz Marc - German Artist 1880-1916

Animusic - Aqua Harp

Plains, Georgia

Plains is about a 10 minute drive from here, so I went to see what Plains and the Jimmy Carter Boyhood Home Park was all about.  Didn't do the walking tour today but fell in love with main street which is mainly antique shops.  Also saw the famous (infamous?) filling station where Jimmy's brother Billy worked.  It's beautiful land with plenty of Georgia red clay.  I understand there's a train trip you can take for an afternoon ride to Plains, a leasurely walk around the town and the homestead, then a leasurely ride back.  I may do that.  Enjoying finding things in my new area!

Sweet Charlie, Long Gone The sea… The foam kissed my bare feet as I ran… In my memory, I play always at the edge And laugh as I hold my sundress down in the wind And laugh as I hold wet cloth away from bare skin… Once as the sound of a melancholy violin drifted from a bungalow at dusk it nailed me in place; So sad, it seemed to bleed onto the sunset colored sand, riding atop the steady tumble of waves. and yes, the music was in the foam that licked my toes and yes, I thought the man morose to play such a sad song when the world of the ocean was at his feet as well as mine… I found out later he was as handsome close As he was mesmerizing from afar and quite charming. I had a weakness for black hair and dark eyes even then. I thought I would never find anyone else so worldly Never anyone so refined… as he gracefully played his aged violin, As he carefully played me. I played the innocent, played the piano, played him. I remember thinking we played well together; our music, our games… He said we came together well, smiling as he said it. So shameless and debonair, sweet Charlie, long gone. © 2008 C. Harter Amos

Ten Thoughts Sunday

1. I've been so busy trying to get settled into the new town that I've forgotten to rest enough so the fatigue has caught up with me.  Monday should be a day of rest for me!  Rest is such a necessary part of my life.  Everyone's, I suppose. The fatigue I'm feeling is to the bone and is as much emotional as physical.  Odd that even good things cause you to need some time out.

 

2. Speaking of time outs, my University of South Carolina Gamecocks had their second bad week and both away from home games.  Very upsetting Saturday when they lost to the Florida Gators 44 to 11.  If you saw the game, Spurier looked like he was going to blow a gasket right there on the sidelines!  When those boys play good they're great, but when they play bad like they did yesterday and last Saturday they just plain stink.  The amazing statistic to me was that the first 3 touchdowns that came from Carolina fumbles gave Florida only 29 yards, but gave them 21 points.  I think Carolina may have set some kind of backwards record there...

 

3. I enjoyed going out with my youngest daughter and her family this weekend and seeing them so much this last week.  I know the "newness" of me being in the same town will wear off making me fall lower on their list of things to do and people to see, but I'll enjoy it while I can.  It was one of the best weeks of my life.  It makes me feel lucky to have been alive to enjoy it and reminds me of just how precious time with loved ones is.  There are so many family members I miss and that's also been a reoccuring thought through the week.  But mainly life is good and the stress of life here is good stress rather than bad.  The remote is back in my hand and I can sing or play music as loud as I please! YAYAY!!  Reasons to celebrate!

 

4. School seems a bit odd for someone about to turn sixty, but the plan is for me to teach online English for as long as I'm able.  This allows for any amount of downhill slide physically and allows me the freedom of not having to get ready and drive in to work everyday, which can be a task by itself.  Also, it can be as much one-on-one teaching as I want it to be or as hands off as I like.  All-in-all, it suits someone who wants to work until they're totally senile or dead!  Don't you think? If I hadn't had reasons to be off the last three semesters I would be through with my BA by now.  Discouraging thought, but not much left to go to get that piece of sheep skin!  I should be back in school in January.

 

5.  I'm writing again.  First draft once again of the novels I had finished and lost the copies of through no fault of my own except that I didn't have copies in more than one place.  It's a long way from finished to have started the first drafts, but at least I can say I'm starting what took me five years to finish last time.  It's a positive and having a BA in English should give the writing a little bit of a seal of approval from the starting gate.

 

6.  My dog, Tai, spent the day Friday at my daughter's house "safely" tucked away in a crate.  He's a little devil dog and will get into trouble spitefully when I leave him, but we were sure he couldn't get out or get to anything to harm it.  I underestimated his determination to get me back for leaving him alone.  My soon to be son-in-law is into martial arts and has a bag he's carried his gear in since he started years ago.  So guess what Tai decided was fair game?  You got it!  He chewed holes in the bag and chewed through one of the handles.  He evidently bumped the crate until it was close enough for him to reach the bag and had a chewing party.  Now, take note here that he had a chew toy in the cage with him that he left untouched... So how do you make up for something like that? Offering to buy a new bag doesn't cut it and apologizing is lame, but that's all I knew to do.  I never said my dog wasn't spoiled silly.  He is.

 

7.  I've spent a lot of time thinking about the fact that my daughter's two children are eight and nine and just how fast they'll be grown enough that visiting Grammy won't be as much fun as it is now.  Trips through the country to the nearest Waffle House won't compete with a day with a best friend.  My oldest sister offered me advice by telling me to enjoy it while I can and I suppose that's all I can do.  I know when Robin wanted me to play Yatzee with her and I was already down and ready for bed, I thought of this fact and got back up to play.  It was one of the best games of Yatzee I've ever played.  Robin rolled a natural Yatzee with sixes and rolled a natural large straight!  She was thrilled and so was I.  Nothing like making memories!

 

8.  I've lost touch with the presidential election.  With less than a month to go, I guess it won't be long before we know who is actually favored.  I missed the 2nd presidential debate and have no idea how well either man did.  I don't think Obama could do as badly as he did last time so at least there was an improvement for him.  But I don't think a strong approach would have come across well for him and lack of a strong approach would have been equally as crippling.  So Romney had the clear advantage.  This isn't a bad thing when you happen to think Obama has failed miserably as president the last four years and that anyone with common sense would be better.  So much for not discussing politics.

 

I'm going to bed early so am skipping 9 and 10.  So the title is misleading.  It's actually Eight Thoughts this Sunday.

Lake Blackshear, Cordele, Ga.

 

 

The grands and I discovered Lake Blackshear today, though they had been there before it was a first for me.  It's a beauty plus has cypress swamps in inlets that are absolutely georgeous.  Found several things that caught my eye for a camera trip and several things that will have me acting like a tourist.  There's a Jimmy Carter Veterans Park...?...not sure if I have the name right, but it's classic Southern beauty from what I saw and would make a great day with the grands. 

Grammy Heaven

I get to have two of my grands overnight tonight so my daughter and beau can go out on the town.  She tells me they haven't been out on a date since last Christmas... So I think I'll be "forced" to do a good bit of babysitting! YAYAY!!!  Throw ME in the briarpatch!  The pictures are of Robin who is 9 and Eric who is 8.

 

 

 

     This is a stock photo of part of the small town I've moved to in Georgia. It's an amazing little town.  Because Sherman didn't come through here there are a lot of old buildings and old homes.  It still has a lot of small farms as part of its economy. There's a lot of wildlife and beautiful hardwood forests nearby, the small college where my daughter will graduate this next semester, a lake and a theater, a supposedly haunted hotel, and a host of interesting festivals that take place during the year.  I hope to be taking pictures and posting about Americus in the coming months as I discover its treasures!. 

Build a Door

   The next four days will be hectic trying to get ready for the big move to Georgia this coming Saturday.  My list of things to get done is longer than the time allows, but all in all it should be an exciting, positive move.  I'll have two of my grandchildren close by and my youngest daughter with her fiance within a few minutes drive.  They'll be getting married before the end of the year maybe so I'll be there for that if they decide for the wedding to be this December or in the spring either way.  The holidays should see me well settled in, which suits me fine.

I'm giving the majority of my furniture and things to Goodwill and starting over.  I think with age comes a natural "paring down" of what you keep.  My Dad used to say you should keep your memories in your heart rather than in your hand and I'm learning that lesson.  At first it was hard to do, but it gets easier as you go along.  A simpler life appeals to me. It actually feels like I'm taking physical weight off my shoulders.

I was telling a friend of mine about my day's work, throwing things away and taking things to Goodwill.  She suddenly screamed, "But how will you vote!"  And for some reason this struck my funny bone.  Out of all my concerns about moving, I never once worried about where I would vote in November.  We'll see, I guess.  I'm mostly concerned about moving and settling in and ask that you keep me in your prayers for this next week.  I will appreciate that.

I'm a dyed in the wool Carolina fan so am celebrating #6 South Carolina's sound beating of #5 Georgia yesterday evening.  What a game for the Gamecocks!  Will moving to Georgia mean I'm duty bound to pull for the Bulldogs?  Only when they're NOT playing South Carolina!

Sgt. 1st Class Riley Stephens

     Sgt. Stephens, 39, from Tolar, Texas was the 2000th American killed in the war in Afghanistan and leaves behind a wife and three children.  Please take a minute to remember these 2000.

Animusic 3D Musicbox - Just amazing!

I had to watch this three times to take in all the animation.  Imagine the amount of work that went into making this work right! It's best if it's viewed on an enlarged screen.

Magritte

The first Presidential debate was tonight.  I dreaded watching it.  I'm not sure what I thought could happen...maybe that Obama would overshadow everything with his charismatic orations, or that Romney would come off poorly.  All in all I enjoyed hearing the two of them.  All the experts I heard talk about it afterward were saying that Romney definitely did the better job.  That Obama seemed defensive and didn't seem to want to be there.  I have to agree.

As for moving, I fell down on the job today and did nothing.  I have only 9 days left before the big move so shouldn't be dragging my feet.  I think procratinate is my middle name.

What History Repeats

A Poem by C. Harter Amos

The river is still, deep black water,

Running through caverns of Mayan hell,

Stories made here too horrible and ancient to tell.

Surrounded by a forest tunnel

She dreams of going beyond her mountain world,

She dreams of things to come that are beautiful, beyond the human race

Beyond the sun’s godlike face

Beyond the moon whose shadows show

the magic of the mountains and jungles below.

the jaguar god once gave his laws

with lethal silver claws,

unsheathed blades for teeth

metallic shell with skin beneath

People from somewhere, a foreign word she learned to hate

she knows it’s her condemned people’s fate

to realize nothing.

In her city

The men have fought each other and died

The lowlands in over harvested forest have dried,

The children once hungry now disappeared,

The voices of old women silenced by what they feared

Until only she is left, fertile and full of broken anticipation,

Her lover, her brothers and sisters, her father and mother, all Mayan.

Gone, one by one, until bereft like a shell, she stands silhouetted one last time

In what should have been her most splendid prime.

Raising her arms to Hunab Ku, the god of gods,

Raising her arms to greet the sun,

From the tallest building on the tallest mountain,

Bursting forth, like a black jaguar wishing for wings,

She sings to Quatzelcoatl, god of wind, as she falls,

disappearing into the jungle far below,

joining legends of shadowy beings and naked bone

from a civilization once great, now gone.

© 2009 C. Harter Amos

My oldest sister introduced me to Celtic Thunder.  They're fun to listen to.  The music is Irish folksongs and some modern songs adapted to their style, but you can surely tell where country music has its roots!  Hope you enjoy these young men as much as I do.

Frank Lloyd Wright's - Fallingwater

No day of rest here in South Carolina today.  I have just over 15 days to finish going through my things in storage to get ready for the big move.  So I've slept in and looked at YouTube videos until I've wasted half the day, but still lots of daylight to burn.  Really, folks, wish me luck on this as I'm not making progress fast enough.  Three households of "stuff" to go through and whittle down to a manageable size for the apartment I'm moving into.  Monumental task at hand!

Inside The Actor's Studio interview with Johnny Depp

Inside The Actors Studio interview with Johnny Depp

This is Mariah who was born in March of this year and became part of the family the last of May.  The video is from the last of June.  I have my little dog, Tai, but my youngest daughter decided what would "fix" my world would be a cat.  So I became the proud owner of a willful little minx that I named Mariah.  Mariah is now about ten pounds and is heavier and bigger than my dog! And this at only six months old.  I can't imagine just how big she's going to get.

I'm about to move again.  In the last decade I've moved from lower South Carolina to Omaha, Nebraska back to lower SC, to Dallas, Texas, to Omaha again, then to Lexington, SC, to Irmo, SC, back to Lexington, back to Irmo, and now I'm temporarily back in Lexington before I move to the lower part of Georgia.  Hopefully this next move will be it for a while.  Maybe even for a decade!

It's a small town much like the one I was brought up in, with lots of big trees and lush greenery.   Lots of nearby woods and wildlife.  Extra bugs are the downside.  But it should be a slower lifestyle and just what the doctor ordered for me.  Like that isn't enough, my youngest daughter is orchestrating the move so that I can be close to her and my two grandchildren.

So you would think I would have pared my belongings down to what would fit in a shoebox and a suitcase.  BUT, not the case.  When I left my home, I stored my things at my mother's and then moved them along with her things into storage in 2007.  Since then I've managed to accumulate more things so that I spend a fortune on keeping "things".  The problem is that mixed in with the things are family pictures, birth and death certificates, special letters, special keepsakes that keep me from saying the heck with all of it.  I'm determined that this move will be the one where I pare down the size of the "stuff" I carry along.  What I carry will be only what I need and the few things - even furniture - that I want to keep from here on out.  Wish me luck.  I only have a little more than two weeks.

  My sister would have been 65 today.  I miss her a great deal and want to share a poem I wrote from last year.

Visiting Jessica

A Poem by C. Harter Amos

My sister is beneath a heavy weight of quiet sighs

as she sleeps under a pile of comforters, on a burgundy couch,

dreaming, I hope, of good things.

The radio plays so quietly near her,

the melodies are only a whisper of sound

from where I sit on the opposite side of the room.

The love seat radiates heat back toward me.

I’m sunken into its over-stuffed pillows,

It’s worn out because it offers coziness to anyone who stops to sink in.

Beneath my feet is the softness of an old Persian rug

filled with swirls of India’s colors copied not so long ago.

The deep greens and shades of tan, dance with

a bleached stain that blends well with the pattern.

Sleek and shiny black fur protrudes from under the top comforter.

My dog, Tai, loves my sister almost as much as I do.

He listens to each sigh she makes

with all that his 10 pounds of might can muster.

The deep brown of his bright eyes open,

concerned each time she skips a beat.

All the while, the clock behind me thuds out a rhythm to march to.

Time stops often here in my sister’s “living-den” as we call it.

The pottery in the window is Native American from various tribes.

The curtain's sheer lace belonging in a Victorian parlor

delicate as it waves in Springtime breeze

The various colors of Indian designs across the window sill

peek from behind the white curtains,

somehow blending with the Persian rug,

There are two swirling bentwood rockers that stare at each other,

The little black dog that thinks he’s Lassie,

The couch of sighs where my sister likes to sleep

And me.

© 2011 C. Harter Amos

   I feel the days clicking down to the election and part of the dread is what's happening in the Middle East.  That being said and not elaborated on, I find myself in a situation that feels desperate.  I like Obama.  He's a likeable fellow and his failed presidency has nothing to do with his personality, his half-African American status, or anything else except that his policies, foreign and domestic are dismal failures.  The popular statement I hear is he's simply "in over his head".  I don't think the Democratic Party solely belongs to those who have nothing and feel intitled to everything free from the government. 
     On the other hand, I find some things about Mitt Romney objectionable.  I think he's a politician, dyed in the wool.  I feel my country is being pulled apart by what has happened in the last years and first and foremost I'm an American.  I'll try anything to bring us back from what feels like the verge of a desperate plunge into a failed democracy.  I can't say I'm voting for Romney.  I don't like his opinions on some subjects and don't believe he has a balanced and fair view of America.  But I AM voting against Obama.  Certain facts stare us in the face. I say let the pendulum swing.  It's the best we can do with the two choices we're given.  Then pray Romney is able to at least turn some of the problems around.  And I do mean pray!   

One of my favorites artists: Maxfield Parrish

The Last Dragon

A Poem by C. Harter Amos

For all the animals thoughtlessly slaughtered into extinction

The great Chimère raised his regal head

And mourned the last of his children who lay dead

At his clawed feet, their beauty and perfection a thing to grieve

If only for a moment before it was time

To raise his massive wings to leave

This place he’d shared with his lifelong mate

Whose body was gone, her slaughter their kind’s fate.

Wherever the Beautiful One lay with her broken crimson scales

Chimère’s own heart couldn’t help but stay

For all of time without end.

The Drako would give his heart to only one

Until the far distant death of the galaxy’s sun.

The blue of his scales matched the sky

Giving no reason to look up, no reason to ask why

The massive eloquent beast should fly overhead unheard,

Not a beat of wing, not a whispered word,

Only the drop of tears that fell from blue skies,

From his beautiful lavender-blue catlike eyes.

He’d had friends who were human

In towns nearer Loch Lomond

But he was a prince of his kind

The nine black ridges along his spine left no doubt

To any who knew this obvious sign of royalty.

He could never live in fear

And the bottomless Loch Ness was near,

Its darkness suited him well.

The lake’s surface was as smooth as glass

It shimmered for a moment as Chimère Drako’s mass

Broke the surface and he swam below

In elegant movements, swanlike and slow

Like a dance to the depths, his gills suddenly filled.

He would stay there forever; no more dragon blood would be spilled.

His royal blue scales have long ago turned black

The ridges now soft along his once strong back

Mankind now thinks of Chimère Drako on rare occasions

When tourists take shadowed pictures during their vacations

At Loch Ness to catch a glimpse of the lizard illusion

We call a monster of mad delusion.

© 2008 C. Harter Amos

     I actually did watch the Democratic Convention, but found more to be upset by than to swerve me any closer to the Obama team.  The fact they ignored certain issues, like the $16 trillion dollar deficit went against the grain. They managed to gloss over issues like the housing problems and unemployment.   I WANT to like the man.  I WANT to be excited that he is turning the country around, but all I see is change for the worse.  I know he hung around some unsavory characters in Chicago and know he has no experience in the private sector.  He barely has experience politically except as President, which I find highly ironic.  Certain issues I have to agree with the Democratic stance; such as legalized abortion.  I could never have one myself but do believe it should be each woman's choice though at the same time I believe life begins with the first heatbeat.  Gay marriage is just two people who love each other and I see no harm in allowing them to marry legally.  They get married in their own eyes anyway.  I don't think the fabric of the American morality will come unglued by love and marriage of any kind.  There are other far more intense issues to consider.
     You can see that Romney's religious beliefs don't fit mine in many ways though I think taking God out of our government isn't the right thing to do.  We are not a godless nation.  I do think there was a reason for separation of state and church. It is what it is. 
     So it's easy to see, as a liberal-conservative, I'm conflicted and will have a hard time deciding between candidates.  I wish there were a third choice along Moderate lines, but these guys come with their own agendas and the choice has to be made for one or the other.  I picture me going into the voting booth and trying to give half my vote to each one.  Hopefully I'll have time in the 56 or so days left to prod the party lines enough to find things that tip me one way or the other.  One thing stands out as an undisputable fact: Obama is one hell of an orator.  Like Hitler, he has the talent to whip up a crowd and win votes on charisma alone.  Romney can lose votes with his lack of charisma.  Need I say that charisma and speech delivery skills shouldn't figure into the equation, but this is America and this is politics so they just do. 

Ten Thoughts Sunday

I'm a little late getting to this, but ten thoughts Wednesday will have to do this week.

One: A friend's teenager is a cutter.  I know the mother very well and the teenager fairly well and it's one of the most upsetting things I've run across.  Not so long back I learned that one of my daughters was a cutter when she was in high school and right under my nose I hadn't even known it.  There were no "signs" as such but the idea of my precious beautiful child hurting herself for relief from inner and outter turmoil is horrindous.  From the mother's viewpoint it's a heavy weight to bear.  I can't imagine what dispair the child who is driven to this must feel.  If you're reading this please pray and/or send positive thoughts for my friend's child and for my own.

Two: My four month old kitten has reached a size I consider large for an adult cat.  I keep wondering what type of monster she'll turn out to be if she grows for another two to six months.  The idea was not just for me to have a cat but for the cat to be a companion for my mini-pin/chihuahua who is sometimes destructive out of boredom.  Now the cat outweighs him and loves to pounce tiger-like onto Tai for the fun of it.  He doesn't seem to mind but if she grows much more this pouncing game could be dangerous for the little dog.

Three: So today, my thoughts aren't lofty at all but selfish and rather down to earth.  That's the nature of life though, a cycle of thoughts where you end up on yourself from time to time.  Today I'm on "me".  I was feeling rough and finally went to the doctor where I found out it wasn't depression but a UTI, anemea and diverticulitis all combined.  A round of antibiotics later I'm feeling better but still not feeling up to par.  As my daughter says, "It is what it is".

Four:  My sister died May 12th.  We had just moved in together in December so we had really just settled down and gotten used to being together every day.  We always got along well: at least from my viewpoint and halving the bills allowed us both to live a nicer life than we could alone.  It was good in theory.  We planned to stay put for about ten years before hopefully we would have enough saved to buy a small place, probably a condo, for our "older" years.  So I'm feeling a little unsettled and a lot insecure, having had to move into a friend's spare bedroom, do my mourning privately and try to gather my forces to start out on my own once again.

Five: I come from wealthy families and am struggling with the fact that two bad marriages wiped me out financially, emotionally, and physically.  The nice middle class me is gone.  Working and achieving middle class standing with my home and new car, my middle class job as an accountant with a small air conditioning and heating distributor.  The pay was below average but with a pre-existing condition, I was afraid to leave for fear of losing my insurance.  Sometimes I fantasize about the owner sending me a check for all the years of underpaying me.  Wouldn't that be nice?  It would also never happen for the same reason he chose to underpay me in the first place; he could get by with it since I obviously was willing to work for less.  I loved his children and his wife and respected him on most levels.  It finally dawned on me that I wasn't "loved" back.  I was a easily replaceable office machine that could break down or become outdated.  I was brought up being taught the "old" values and work ethic.  I treated his business like I would my own family's, my work like I would if I were working for my own family's business.  It was a bitter pill when I realized a new accounting clerk who didn't even have a high school degree was brought in at a much higher pay level than I was being paid after 15 years of hard work and loyalty.  I'd climbed their ladder in every way but financially.  It made all the financial struggles a bitter pill as well.  Then my health took a dive and I've ended up on disability. I hadn't planned for this so young.

Six:  Anyone who believes a person would go on disability to "get out of working" is definitely not in the know of how this works.  On disability I don't have enough income to live on, much less live like a comfortably retired worker.  I make in a month about half what I did working and that was a struggle.  So complaining about it hasn't worked to my advantage.  I went back to school through a local school that offers everything I need in online classes.  I've decided I want to teach online English at a high school or preferably a college level.  The hesitation there is that I'm not sure I could pass the Graduate Record Exam to get into a Masters program which you have to do to be able to teach on a college level.  I can only try.

Seven:  Trying is a struggle.  There are always stumbling blocks, but the trick is to keep getting up and going forward.  This semester I can't go because I was sent a notice that I owed the college for a class I was given a "no show" status in which is a failing grade.  When my sister died I withdrew from the four classes I planned to take knowing I wouldn't be able to concentrate well enough to make good grades.  I didn't want to overload.  Somehow the computer dropped only three of the classes.  Trying to convince these people I dropped all four and only knew about the fourth class not being dropped when I got the notice that I owed for it is like trying to walk through a brick wall.  Stay tuned for the outcome.

Eight:  My sister, Jessica, had been on a self-improvement plan for about a year and was doing very well.  She had surgery for a nagging back problem, had breast reduction surgery and was getting her teeth fixed.  She was in fine health.  The morning was just like any other.  She passed by the bathroom where I was doing some cleaning and went to the kitchen for breakfast.  She evidently decided to have a piece of cake that we'd gotten the day before.  There were odd coughing sounds coming from the kitchen and I really thought it was the dog choking or barking in an odd way.  I went to see and my sister was choking.  I tried to do the Heimlich maneuver several times and she was getting less and less air.  No panic, as if she thought this was something we could handle.  I called 911 and urged them to hurry, but my sister's life slipped away with me holding her, telling her to hold on and breathe, 911 was on the way.  It was horrible and traumatic.  Before the emergency response team arrived, I had watched the life slip from my sister's eyes.  They made it worse trying to revive her for thirty minutes to an hour - I couldn't say for sure how long they took getting there or working on Jessica as my sense of time was off.  Again at the hospital they worked for a long while trying to revive her even though I told them she wouldn't want to live if her brain was that damaged.  So saying goodbye to my sister hasn't been easy and I see her birthday coming at me on Sept. 20th.  She would have been 65, and looking forward to life for the first time since her failed marriage in the 1980's.  I miss who my sister was to me since childhood.  Sixty years is a long time to know someone.

Nine:  I'm just about down to the proper weight.  I was on prednisone for a long while and the weight piled on me easily.  Getting it off again has been harder than I would have expected but it's finally coming off at a good speed.  Just thirty pounds to go to reach my goal weight.  Try to avoid taking prednisone if you can and find yourself faced with the need to take it.  The side effects for me were as bad if not worse than the problems it was supposed to correct, which it didn't do.  My doctor gets frustrated with me because I don't believe in pills, but think the body tries its best to heal itself if given the right food and enough stress free time to cope with a problem.  I do take medicines but not because I want to, believe me.

Ten: We are certainly a pill popping country.  I wonder about the why of it and worry that the pharmaceutical companies are pushing unnecessary medications that only mask problems or cause worse problems with their side-effects.  Like I said, I take medicine, but wonder if I'm doing right by myself to do so.  I remember in a time before CAT scans and open-heart surgery, when there were few medicines and few people taking any.  This was before Tylenol.  A well stocked medicine cabinet had iodine for cuts, epson salts for aches and pains, baking soda for indigestion and for cleaning your teeth when you wanted them whiter, and aspirine for headaches or fever.  There were home remedies for most everything.  Mustard plasters for chest congestion and Mentholadum for stuffy noses.  And salt.  There was gargling with salt water for sore throats, putting your head under a towel over a pot of steaming salt water to clear out your sinuses and salt water eye wash all that you made from the canister of salt in the kitchen.  I could walk for hours on memory lane but will spare you and me. 

Sorry that the ten thoughts for today were all about me.

Mad World. (Sometimes it is a)

     Having done my patriotic duty and watched the Republican Convention I'm more hopeful than I have been in a while.  They did their job and hooked me in with their views and speeches.  I was impressed with the South Carolina Governor's speech - she came across as well as the other Governors and maybe better than some.  Very proud of her.  Next week I'll watch the Democratic Convention and see the other half of the political playing field.  60 days left for each side to show what they want us to know.  I'm the first to admit I expected Obama to perform miracles with our economy, the wars, job market, housing problems, and have been disappointed over and over during the last roughly three and a half years with both his actions and what he chooses not to act on.    Personally? I'm a reformed hippie who has grown more conservative as I've had children and aged.  I don't like sitting on fences.  Maybe it's time to try something new in the White House since the "Change" we were promised in 2008 has been for the worse.  But we'll see.

2012 Presidential Election: Electoral Map

2012 Presidential Election: Electoral Map: This map displays the projections of the sender and does not reflect the opinions of 270toWin.

I was thinking about an old friend of mine who used to seem more like a sister than a friend.  During the earliest 1970's someone gave her acid and after an awful reaction to it she has spent the rest of her life on heavy psychotropic medicines and in nursing homes.  Sometimes I really bleed for her because she had everything: beauty, brains, she was sweet and articulate...Anyway, I wrote this for her and her journey.

Tumble into Oblivion

A Poem by C. Harter Amos

For Gayle

In the thickness of fog she had no beginning or end,

only a humbled bubble, she twirled,

round and soft.

At the edges of her vision,

a ghost; dismal and dull.

Then came the jingling of a bell:

an angel, she thought, warning of hell.

Curiosity overcame her fear

as she stood up to peer into solid grayness toward the sound

where suddenly in front of her a hound bent on some cause,

self-sent or spirit-led,

stopped for one moment to raise his head

as if he understood the trip she travelled on.

With tags jingling, he left, heading toward silent oblivion,

everything, again full of emptiness,

she was gone, dear sister-friend, tumbling into nothingness.

© 2009 C. Harter Amos

Just an interesting factoid.  I was watching a replay of the Colts vrs the Redskins and happened to hear the statistic that 40% of their fans are women.  Who would have thought?  I enjoy watching sports and enjoyed playing when I was young, but 40%?  It brought me around to the realization that in a generation or two women maybe won't be looked on as second class citizens.  Amazing.

Eating Karma
 A Poem by C. Harter Amos

Just a thought.




I was standing in line in a restaurant today, ordering a salad to live my lifelong diet,

thinking of grandsons and bright futures, and teasing the young man behind the counter

who was having fun teasing me.

             “What will you have?” he smiled.

             “Um,” I thought and glanced up at him as he shook his head.

             “We don’t serve ‘um’ anymore,” his smile widened into a grin.

The pure happiness of his youth spread out like sunshine. Some mother’s pride and joy.

What a handsome young boy; the son I failed to give you.

              “I guess a salad will have to do.” I laughed as I took a step away, then had to turn back his way,

              “I didn’t bring my reading glasses. Would you tell me my order number?”

I handed him my receipt.

              “328.” He even had the kindness of your eyes, I thought, which warmed my heart on such a cold winter day.



Anyway,

I’d stayed up much too late writing, then up early, I had things to do. I turned and walked a few paces away to wait my turn.



I didn’t want to hear,

I wasn’t trying to stand too near,

when he told the man beside him,

             “I bet she was a beauty in her day.”

My hand went to the gray streak in my hair,

My thoughts to the tiredness in my bones from a long night of writing,

the ache in my back from picking up a box I knew was too heavy.

           “Did you see the dark circles under her eyes?” His friend wasn’t being unkind.

            “No makeup,” he shook his finger at his friend, “Girls these days wear too much makeup.”



Lately I’ve had to eat a lot of Karma for things I did and said

without thinking,

without meaning to be unkind,

without remembering there was a person,

there inside;

each an unopened book I should have read.



© 2009 C. Harter Amos

A New Home

     It's just a bit unnerving to change from Multiply, where I've been for years, to a new blogspot.  After being evicted though, I, like most of the bloggers on Multiply, have decided on a new home and will feel at home here once a few new posts have gone up.  First things first, I don't like my avatar and have to go hunting for my old one.  That much I can hang onto!  Don't mind me, I'm a creature of habit and will probably re-post some of my old videos just to hang onto them.  Good luck to everyone from Multiply who is making this surprisingly unsteadying change.